Integritus Prime

I’ve been volunteering most of my life. As a child, I began tutoring in and outside of my schools, then did fundraising with the Red Cross. As an adult, I’ve volunteered in service-learning, environmentalism, and Reiki; most recently, my volunteer work includes people operations and coaching at UN Women USA – San Francisco, and Heartfulness meditation. I am a trauma coach who works a lot with women, and meditation is the most important thing I do, so these service options align with my values quite seamlessly.

What I notice often about volunteers is we are exceptionally generous, conscientious, hard-working, and caring. I also observe that for some volunteers, their self-care, self-worth, and self-love levels can be low. This offers a dangerous mix of excessive giving and not enough time for rest and rejuvenation. Many of us can become addicted to service, and just like any other addiction, it is unhealthy.

Aside from volunteering and of course our professional obligations, it is important to have a family life, social life, creative pursuits, and so on. When we don’t balance our lives, we end up burned out. Even though we may burn out doing good for the world, it still requires us to stop and take stock of our values, priorities, and habits. Chances are if we are workaholics, we could also be “servaholics,” and both lead to the destruction of balance in our lives.

There are at least four reasons the road to selfless service should be paved with self-love:

1. We’ll serve more mindfully and meaningfully: With a foundation of self-love, we will know what we value and where, when, and how to give our time. It will be a thoughtful decision and we will find more meaning in our service.
2. It won’t break the bank or the back: Our ability to know our limits and respect our bodies will ensure that we don’t give too much, jeopardizing our bank balance or our health.
3. We won’t get depleted: If we are practicing self-love, we will avoid burnout, and give from the overflow of our energy, not from an empty vessel. Self-love won’t let you get empty to begin with.
4. Service will be truly selfless and loving: Knowing and loving ourselves allows us to give authentically and without any agenda or ulterior motives. We can love people and situations, and give our time and effort without expectations.

I’ve met people who volunteer in ways that are less than honest – they use service as a vehicle for other motives, such as manipulation, power trips, and more. I’ve also met people who give so much that there’s no sense of self – they become addicted to service as an escape.

A healthy way to serve is to align with your values, and balance service with our other priorities so we can continue serving the causes we care about in a sustained way. When we reach the true self through self-love, we can transcend the self into life as a whole. Then we become the ocean, no longer a drop…then our service becomes integrated so we don’t harm ourselves or any other life form while serving and in daily life…

If you like what you’re reading, drop me a note, and let’s chat about service in your community or organization.

Hanging with friends at the UN women USA – SF Chapter’s film festival this past May. Loving yourself makes for more meaningful and authentic service.