Integritus Prime

Working with clients as a trauma coach, I come across many thought, behavior, and life patterns. Trauma can be the most powerful influence in our lives unless we consciously work to uproot it. As we know, trauma is passed down through our DNA, which explains how people carry the collective social trauma and burden of atrocities like the holocaust.

Trauma can be passed down in many ways. Here are three real examples I’ve seen from my work as a coach:

1. Relationship patterns: If you have parents who were abused as children, have children from multiple partners, and who cannot settle down in any family situation because family situations are the source of their trauma, then it’s very likely you will have similar relationship patterns. This can be seen across three generations in families where the grandparents and parents have not healed their trauma. They simply pass it down to their offspring. We repeat what is most familiar to us, because it is the norm in our family since we were born.
2. Career patterns: If your parents were abused, and attracted abusive bosses all through their lives, it’s very likely you will do the same, because that pattern is imprinted onto you, and it’s deeply and subconsciously familiar to you. Similarly, if your parents believe they are unworthy due to their trauma, they will not feel comfortable attracting or keeping money, so you may also struggle financially because subconsciously, a lack of self-worth is your norm too.
3. Self-sabotage patterns: When we are holding trauma in our bodies and minds, it’s like having a parasite within us that plagues us. We may emotionally overeat to dull the connection between our consciousness and our physical body – this is sabotaging our health. We may loathe ourselves deeply and sabotage our relationships, our careers, and any other opportunities that come our way by never following through. It happens because trauma is inside us and we don’t want to have anything to do with it, and we end up rejecting ourselves. We are rejecting and sabotaging the inauthentic self, which masks the true self. This can be seen with many highly capable people who are not reaching their full potential in life. They live with a fear that comes from trauma, and holds them back from their highest purpose. And, they become livid when they see their children sabotage careers and relationships – not realizing they, the parents, are source or conduit of this pattern.

Trauma is clearly a powerful force in our lives. However, it’s also important to remember that trauma isn’t who we really are. It isn’t authentic. Our true self needs to emerge so we can live authentically. Anyone who isn’t working on this is living in a trauma pattern – a toxic loop. This is the problem of our times, and the solution can be found in one place only: inside. The first step is observe ourselves deeply. Once we become aware of our trauma, we need to get professional help and make a commitment to ourselves to uproot these deeply embedded patterns.