Integritus Prime

I have a record number of coaching clients at the moment, and based on their collective experiences and my own, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to be a feminist. I love the following excerpts from International Women’s Development Agency (IWDA):

Quite simply, feminism is about all genders having equal rights and opportunities.

Intersectional feminism can seem complicated, but it’s really just about acknowledging the interplay between gender and other forms of discrimination, like race, age, class, socioeconomic status, physical or mental ability, gender or sexual identity, religion, or ethnicity.

The barriers faced by a middle class woman living in Melbourne are not the same as those of a queer woman living in rural Fiji. Women aren’t just exposed to sexism – racism, ableism, ageism, homophobia, transphobia, and religious persecution are intrinsically linked to how they experience inequality.

IWDA website

But, my all-time favorite definition is this one, that I came across while working with the Women’s Fund Fiji:

Feminism as an ideology believes in the “Transformation of all social relations of power that oppress, exploit or marginalise any set of people on the basis of their gender, age, sexual orientation, ability, race, religion, nationality, location, caste class or ethnicity”

Milliken, E. (2017). Feminist theory and social work practice. Social Work Treatment: Interlocking Theoretical Approaches; Turner, FJ, Ed.; Oxford University Press: Oxford, UK, 191-208.

My reflections on my lived experiences with toxic leaders, and the experiences of my clients have led me to 3 reasons that toxic leaders cannot be feminist, even if they purport to be:

1. They abuse power: Toxic leaders, of any gender, tend to be controlling, manipulative, undermining, and abusive emotionally and verbally. They take advantage of empathic and intelligent workers, often taking credit for their work, thereby diminishing their career opportunities. This tendency to use their authority unethically is the antithesis of feminism.
2. They are operating from trauma: Toxic, abusive leaders tend to unleash the negativity they hold inside from their past abuse and lingering trauma – they often do this consciously to hide their insecurity and fear. Their patterns of behavior may include creating trauma bonds, invoking guilt, interspersing abuse with kindness to confuse their victims, extreme rage followed by calm behavior, and other narcissistic or bipolar tendencies. One example is, after berating their workers in front of colleagues, the toxic leader talks to the workers at a different time like nothing has happened; they never apologize for the outbursts. This mode of operation is far from a conscious feminist stance; rather it is a reactionary result of abuse that is being used to torture others.
3. They exhibit internalized patriarchy: Many toxic leaders of any gender tend to display classic toxic patriarchal traits: dominance, aggression, controlling behavior, stoicism, and more. They tend to be bullies who overwork their employees and shame them when they need self-care. This behavior is, again, the opposite of a feminist approach that champions shared power and collective care.

Women leaders who are toxic also cannot be true feminists, because they are using patriarchal techniques to try and further the feminist cause. This is akin to wanting to build a structure while exploding its foundations: it can never be viable.

Share with me your thoughts on true feminist leadership. For me, it’s the ability to lead with empathy, vulnerability, honesty, integrity, and strong boundaries that uplift all.