Integritus Prime

Recently in our Beyond Medicine: Behavior Does Not Lie series, we’ve been discussing a number of topics. Of particular interest was the topic of hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance, as well as manipulation and lying. So, here are some more details of what they are and how they relate to our behavior.

First let’s look at what they mean: hypocrisy is a practice of claiming to have higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case. It is acting in contradiction to our stated beliefs or feelings. Cognitive dissonance describes the discomfort the mind has when it holds conflicting beliefs, values or attitudes. It is a state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs or attitudes, especially when relating to decisions and attitude changes. Most of the time we seek consistency in our attitudes and perceptions to avoid the unease or discomfort in our minds.

Some signals to pay attention to include: discovering a person has been lying to you more than a few times, they have broken promises, and/or broken your trust by sharing confidential information, or are using that information to gain control over you or others for their own advantage.

Behavior lies when people manipulate us for their own benefit. Narcissists, in particular, will use you for their own ulterior motives and may praise you in public and berate you in private. They often parasite on empaths and people pleasers, who tend to have low self-worth.

3 tips for recognizing when behavior lies through observing behavior carefully:

1. The person who is lying will avoid eye contact when talking to you.
2. They may be fidgety or restless.
3. They may praise you unreasonably and do many things for you to make you dependent on them or to hide the lies – they do this to gain control of your emotions.

So, it is important to be vigilant and realize that sometimes others’ behavior towards you is too good to be true; you may be able to avoid being used and abused by them if you are observant and if you have strong self-worth and self-love.

The root cause of hypocrisy is usually fear and low self-esteem. People use hypocrisy to avoid looking at their own shortcomings. It is one way of deflecting their problems to avoid dealing with them because they do not want to be judged. At the core is the strong desire to be loved and accepted. Fear of judgment is so strong that they use cognitive dissonance to avoid facing themselves.

The root cause of manipulation is also fear and insecurity, and usually this comes from trauma. Narcissists, for instance, have responded to childhood abuse by resorting to self-aggrandizement: a highly elevated ego.

Share with us if you have come across people who are hypocrites or manipulators and how you dealt with them.