Integritus Prime

This COVID-19 pandemic has many of us in a state of regression into our trauma-induced habits. For some, it’s a lack of commitment to any project, for others it’s anxiety, or overeating, or binge drinking. Dr. Margaret Cornelius and I recently discussed these harmful norms in the third episode of our Beyond Medicine: The Importance of Behavior Change series.

At the root of self-harming habits there is often a very gnarly characteristic of our trauma: trauma gets in between who we really are, and our ability to live our lives authentically. Trauma can control our lives if we haven’t taken the time to heal.

This past week I’ve been observing a lot of examples of self-sabotage, which is just one key indicator of trauma. I’ll go over four of these with tips on how to break free of them:

1. Comparing: the moment we begin to compare ourselves with others, we have lost authenticity, and often with it, our confidence. Feeling “not good enough” typically comes from negative childhood experiences, aka trauma, and when we set our standards based on someone else’s accomplishments, we fail to honor our own authentic path. We harm ourselves and then wonder why we’re feeling down. Tip 1: Compare yourself only with how you were doing yesterday, and aim to do better, be stronger, and to always be yourself.
2. Creating obstacles: we can automatically start creating obstacles where there are none, or where a simple and creative solution is absolutely within reach. For instance, we assume we are stuck on a task and there’s no way out, when all we need to do is think a little differently. It could happen when there aren’t enough ingredients to make something, which seems minor but our lackluster response may be a sign of a more pernicious issue: we are beginning to shut down. We don’t want to try. We are losing momentum and motivation. Tip 2: Step away from tasks that feel difficult and look at them playfully, or video call a friend and ask them to help you problem solve. The connection and banter will help you get unstuck.
3. Ignoring logic: we all have that relative who won’t listen to the family doctor and wants to self-medicate. Logic dictates that each medicine has a certain level of effectiveness if used correctly, but we insist that we know better, and proceed to harm ourselves through drug side effects and interactions. This is yet another example of self-sabotage. It’s simple to do the right thing, but trauma gets in the way, for instance we may harm ourselves to get attention we didn’t get as a child, or attention we want because we are lonely. Tip 3: Listen to the logic from an expert when you’re unwell, do your own research to corroborate it, and then do the right thing to improve your condition.
4. Being inconsistent: When we fail to adopt habits that we know are effective at keeping us optimally well, we are self-sabotaging. This tendency wastes the time of everyone who tries to help us, and is a disservice to everyone involved. Trauma gets in the way, and without our conscious effort to overcome it, we remain on the hamster wheel of discontentment. Letting ourselves down creates ripe conditions for others to let us down, simply because that is what we are role modeling. Tip 4: Be relentless in creating the habits that will give you a foundation of wellness, whether that habit is meditation, eating healthy, quitting alcohol, sleeping well, or something else. Never compromise on your wellbeing.

For more on self-sabotage, check out this excellent article with a ton of resources.

The time we’ve been given as a global society to stay home and introspect is powerful if we use it wisely. One wise use of this time is to find every way in which we are sabotaging ourselves, and go to the root of those tendencies so we can heal and be more self-loving. There is no stronger foundation for a fulfilling life than self-love. The time to start is now.