4 Tips for Asking for Help in Transitions
Whenever it comes to asking for help, we cringe or think twice before doing so. The mind stops us from reaching out due to a number of reasons and the most prominent is usually fear. The fear of being judged, rejected, laughed at or called a fraud. Asking for help is difficult also due to adverse childhood experiences, which may have caused lingering low self-worth, paranoia, or extreme independence.
However, taking into account that humans are social beings and helping each other makes us feel good, it is okay to ask for help. We will only receive help if we ask for it. There are many occasions where we could ask for help, and being in a major transition is definitely one of those times. Recently in our Beyond Medicine: Wellness in Transition series we addressed this issue of being able to ask for help. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, because we choose to be vulnerable, and allow the other person a chance to give.
Transitions could be big, small, planned or sudden. In any type of transition, there could be major disruptions, including interruption of routines, different people to meet, new premises and environments to adjust to, and additional processes to follow. All these factors could easily increase our stress levels. Initially, the stress may motivate us, especially if it is a new job we’ve been looking forward to, or if we are moving to a new home. However, continued stress over a long period of time starts to have negative impacts on our physical, emotional and mental health. Sustained or chronic stress also makes the transition more difficult to navigate.
In a planned transition, there maybe enough time to list all the things that need to be done and then ask for help from those that we know and trust. This, however, does not account for emotional upsets. Unexpected transitions such as the pandemic, job loss, accident, or death have a profound impact on our daily lives and make it more challenging to ask for help. Sometimes, in major transitions such as the unexpected death of a loved one, help is offered and if we do not communicate clearly our need for help, the situation could become tricky, because we may resent others if they overstep our unstated boundaries.
Four tips on how to ask for help in transitions:
- Prepare when you can and when asking for help, and be concise and specific. Match the task to the person’s ability if you can.
- Set reasonable expectations and do not apologize when asking for help. Showing gratitude is a much better way of letting people help.
- Ask in person as much as possible; only use text or email if the personal approach is not possible.
- Keep in touch and follow up with results. Show people who helped how their input made a difference to your life.
It is also important to keep your self-care routines intact or even stronger during transitions, as we’ve discussed previously.
