Integritus Prime

We started 2022 with a new topic: Self-love for Uncertain Times in our Beyond Medicine series. In the second episode we talked about the importance of forgiveness in self-love.

So, what is forgiveness anyway? People say ‘forgive and forget’ but that could be dangerous. What exactly is forgiveness and why is it important as a self-love practice?

Psychologists say that forgiveness is a conscious effort on our part to release negative emotions that we carry due to harm cause to us by someone. This release allows us to be free of the anger, disharmony and urge to take revenge on the perpetrator(s).

The act of forgiveness is for yourself. It’s a step towards self-love and moving on with your life in a positive way. It could be that you are judging yourself for not doing better in the past. However, you were doing the best you could with what you knew. If you need to forgive someone else, you may want to consider that they may never see what they did as wrong, so not forgiving them would mean you’d be stuck resenting them for the rest of your life. Not worth it!

It is also important to say what forgiveness is NOT. It does not mean that you support or accept the action that caused you harm or make it sound like it was not serious. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you allow that person back in your life. It does mean you can reinforce your boundaries and stay clear of that person, especially if they are not showing remorse for their action. We can only change ourselves, after all.

If we don’t forgive, we may end up carrying bitterness, hurt, anger, resentment, and feelings of revenge through life. These may consume our thoughts; lead us to ill health and disharmony with self and our environment or even depression.

Therefore, forgiveness is an important step. It helps us let go of the past, which isn’t a place we should live. Life is happening now, and we must stay present, release baggage, and move on. Here are 6 important benefits of forgiveness to consider:

1. Improved self-worth and empowerment: Forgiveness helps increase our self-worth because we take a stand based on what is right for us. As part of our self-love practice, we empower ourselves by setting standards and boundaries for how we want to be treated, and deciding to release toxic energies and people.
2. More empathy: When we forgive, it allows us to build empathy and compassion for those who wronged us and for others who are suffering too. Perhaps our perpetrators suffered the same fate that they inflicted on us and other victims. No one is inherently bad or evil, behavior is learned.
3. Decreased stress, anxiety and bitterness: When we forgive, we let go of the stress of what happened. We stop playing victim, and we empower ourselves to choose contentment instead of anxiety or bitterness.
4. Better mental and emotional health: As we move forward, having processed and released the hurt, we experience more peace and serenity, and lower our risk of depression.
5. Better physical health: Releasing negative emotions has wonderful benefits for our body, including lower blood pressure, improved heart health and a stronger immune system.
6. Lowered risk of developing addictions: Think about the many people who engage in emotional eating or alcoholism after their loved one cheats on them with another person. This response is a direct result of low self-worth, self-blame, and no self-love. Related negative habits like taking drugs or smoking cigarettes have serious consequences on our health. Forgiving from a place of strong self-love recognizes that we are worthy regardless of how another person may choose to treat us, and we can avoid these self-harm practices.

Forgiveness may not come easily or quickly; to help us practice this self loving action we need to evaluate the consequences of our choices. This isn’t just a mental exercise though, it requires us to open our hearts, release pain, and stay with this process until we are free of what happened.

Sometimes, we may need the help of a counselor or coach to guide us towards forgiveness. Remember: forgiveness is for ourselves and not the perpetrator. The benefits far outweigh the act of holding negative emotions inside.

Share with us how you practice forgiveness in relation to your self-love practice.