Integritus Prime

It’s rare that I am left speechless by anything. I am, after all, someone who writes a lot. But recently, a play by Larry Thomas did just that…it left me without any words to describe my experience. It was as if someone had taken key aspects of my life and put them on display in a wise, powerful way.

I watched the play, called The Accident, on opening night, and went back on closing night. After the second viewing, words came in the form of a poem, which I share at the end of this post. Some of the reflections from this play have to do with trauma and the prejudice we Fijians cling to for false protection. I summarize them below, although I doubt I can do justice to the eloquence of how this was addressed in the play:

1. Fear: Some iTaukei (indigenous Fijian) people carry a fear of Indians taking over their country, which is how the 1987 coup was framed, while Fijians of Indian ethnicity fear being harmed by angry Fijian nationalists, based on this actually happening in the 2000 coup.
2. Distrust: The two ethnic groups do not trust each other in exactly the same ways…some of the consequences of this include much less intermarrying and speaking each other’s languages than you would expect, given that we have lived together for over a hundred years.
3. Prejudice: Despite high intellect, good intentions, good friendships and much goodwill on both sides, there are deep biases: iTaukei people tend to glorify white skin and blame Fijians of Indian descent for the negative aspects of colonialization, while iTaukei people are often thought of as violent, unstable, or dangerous by ethnic Indians.
4. Blaming and playing victim: Both ethnicities blame each other for the past, and refuse to let go of their hurt and trauma. The true perpetrators of the divide and conquer system of rule, the British, have long gone, without much accountability, if you ask me.

What was most interesting to me, as a trauma coach, was the fact that abuse and trauma are universal and exist in starkly similar ways in both ethnicities…but this commonality isn’t enough to heal the prejudices…

In the same week as The Accident started showing, I finished reading a book by Vindu Maharaj about domestic violence in Fiji. It was as if the universe was asking me to focus on all the ways Fiji needs healing. Certainly, race relations still need work if we are to truly live as one people, but an equally large elephant in the room is Fiji’s disturbingly high rates of domestic violence, a volatile melding of suppressed trauma and internalized patriarchy.

Through the book, I was reminded of how difficult it is to break free of patriarchal norms – I’ve written about this before. There are four particular barriers this book touches on that we must overcome if we are to embrace gender healing:

1. Devaluing the feminine: a girl child, and indeed a woman, is seen as a weakness or a liability. There are atrocious practices still being carried out, such as killing of female infants, abuse of daughter-in-laws, and preventing girls from being fully educated in Fiji because they are destined for housework. Yes, it’s 2022, and yes this is still happening…
2. Patterns of abuse: Most people (men and women) are simply following the system of abusive parenting they experienced. This abuse can be traced back to the girmit era when the British abused Indian indentured laborers. Similar patterns of abuse and domestic violence exist in iTaukei households too, and both cultures forbid us from talking about it.
3. Patriarchal toxicity: The male is socialized to bottle up emotions and be a stoic provider, while the female is considered a sexual object, a weakling, and inferior. This leads to pent up emotion and violence in men, and women becoming perpetual victims enslaved by a toxic mix of patriarchy, culture, tradition, and religion.
4. Women perpetrators: Women who have internalized abuse and patriarchal norms become horrifying perpetrators of violence against younger women, and without any empathy. They simply do what was done to them, and become ruthless advocates of harm.

In both these realms – race relations and domestic violence – which are intricately intertwined, there is a need for deep healing. In a time when Fiji is known for being a tourist’s paradise or the proud supplier of world-famous Fiji Water…wouldn’t it be truly amazing if we could be known for our peaceful, integrated, and loving society?

There is much healing work to be done, and it must begin with those who are willing to do their inner work, and this includes telling the true stories of our troubled nation. I commend Larry and Vindu for their work.

As promised, here’s my poem:

twins

your prejudice and mine
are twins
we see each other differently
in exactly the same way
victims
blaming
never trusting
risks fester
risks that we
are not taking
because history
lies
inside
crushing new opportunities

fear
pain
trauma
triumph
over intellect

we hold on
instead of letting go
and we hoard
bad memories
sometimes
running away
not realizing
we are still carrying
the rejection

home becomes
an idealized
place
that is perfect
even when filled
with the misery
of patriarchy
and the twists
of prejudice

tightening our hearts
as we seek openness
squeezing our eyes shut
as we seek acceptance

refusing to give
what we desperately need
we remain closed
nothing moves
change passes
stagnant hearts by

in a time that functions
beyond time
keeping us stuck
in the mire
may the rain never tire
of cleansing us
of these false realities
we hold inside
may life keep offering us
a safe hitchhiking ride
may love offer us
safe ways
to come out
and realize
it’s okay to hurt
it’s okay to heal
there’s no need
any more
to hide

inspired by Larry Thomas’ play, The Accident