Having Difficult Conversations: A Behavioral Approach
I’ve been facilitating a variety of workshops recently, and it struck me that sometimes we remain stuck and create stress because there’s a difficult conversation we are afraid of having. For instance, it could be about asking for an overdue payment, admitting to a costly error we made, or disciplining a non-compliant staff member. Chances are, we lack confidence, are afraid to be the “bad guy”, are burned out, engaging in people-pleasing, or simply aren’t committed enough to our work to do the right thing at the right time. Accountability, anyone?
As a result, our organization can suffer greatly in terms of lost profits, customers, and even future orders. So, how do we handle this?
A behavioral approach, based on Bandura’s work, would suggest that modeling a behavior helps us to perform it. So, we simply role play difficult conversations. Putting ourselves in a simulation of the situation helps us come up with relevant responses, anticipate outcomes or obstacles, and learn how to get to the desired outcome. In my recent experiences facilitating role plays, workshop participants across the board asked for more.
They need more practice, to build confidence, so they can go out and have these confrontational and difficult conversations. As a coach I can role play with you, changing my character to make the conversation easy at first, then more difficult to help you build the confidence you need, and to recognize, revise, and improve your responses. After such practice, the difficult conversation becomes less intimidating, and you become more capable of handling them on your own.
A book I loved on this subject is Crucial Conversations, check it out! The authors are also former students of Bandura, and provide very important insights on how to make any subject discussable.
Of course, it takes two to tango, and you can’t have a difficult conversation with someone who won’t come to the table, so sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. However, it’s always good to give it your best shot, and then you can rest well, knowing you did everything in your power to make the best of the situation.
And if you like what you’re reading, drop me a note and let’s chat about the conversation you’ve been avoiding. Toodles.
It’s important to build confidence and practice difficult conversations. Photo Credit: Thomas Drouault, Unsplash.