Integritus Prime

When people reflect on the year that’s gone by, they often think about their home and family, profession, the economy, the environment, and these days, the pandemic. While these topics are important, I often think about my inner work and self-love, because that’s the foundation of the quality of everything I am and do.

This year, 2021, has been pivotal for me. I’ve made strides professionally and personally. These areas of success are intricately linked, which is something I’ve learned along the way as a human being and as a life coach. I learned 4 powerful lessons at a deeper level than ever before. Here they are:

1. It’s alright to let go of those who abuse you, even if they are close family or friends. I learned this the hard way, by continuing to give love and receive toxicity and abuse. At a certain point, I had a quiet epiphany: I am the gatekeeper for how I want to be treated, and just because someone is stressed doesn’t mean they can continue to be abusive to me. It means they need help, and I cannot force them to get that help. I can only enforce my boundaries. Stepping away from abuse and affirming my boundaries helped me release the toxic energy I was allowing into my life. The void was filled by amazing people who value me, and affirm who I am.
2. When you give wisely, you create abundance. When we give from a place of self-worth, we choose to give to those who are also generous to us. This creates experiences of abundance. When we give to those who only take, we experience depletion. You might hear folks say: “Oh, well if you only give with expectations to receive, that’s not giving.” But it’s not about giving with the expectation of receiving; it’s about choosing to give to those who respect you, not to those who abuse you. Those who respect you may or may not give back to you, but at the very least they will give appreciation. Those who do not respect you will keep taking and abusing you, and you will remain stuck in a codependency that is founded on your lack of self-worth and traumatic habit of people pleasing. This is fear-based living, and we grow when we shift to love-based living.
3. When you know your worth and act accordingly, you draw people into your life who respect your worth too. This lesson, like all important life lessons, keeps repeating until you learn it. If you know your true worth, and embody authentic confidence, you will draw personal and professional contacts who value your authenticity too. This will elevate the quality of your life. When you set the bar, you are in charge of your experiences. When you defer to traumatic patterns, you continue to experience abuse.
4. Love heals trauma better than anything else. This is true, but only when you are ready, willing to do the work, and committed to the long haul. And, if you surrender the pride of the ego, all kinds of healing becomes possible. It’s a bit of a catch 22, because trauma can prevent us from surrendering. It’s important to be vulnerable, and to trust, be courageous, and be tenacious on the path of healing so we can convert the internal combustion engine of trauma to a flowing hydrogen engine of purpose. Remember, unconditional love does not mean a lack of boundaries, it means healthy boundaries with yourself and with others.

I’ve implemented these lessons and changed my life in 2021. I look forward to more abundance in 2022, and more authentic service through my company in the form of consulting, coaching, publishing, and much more.

What are your lessons of 2021? What will you do differently in 2022?