Perilous Parenting – Part 3: 7 Ways to Deal with Narcissistic Parents
Narcissism is a type of mental illness and personality disorder, where a person feels that they are special and entitled. They have an inflated sense of importance for themselves, want to be given special treatment, think they know everything and they do not have empathy for others. Narcissists notoriously use and abuse people to feed their own ego.
When a parent exhibits narcissist behavior, it causes a lot of problems and disrupts healthy mental and emotional growth and development of their children.
There are many ways in which a narcissistic parent may behave, some of them are:
- Their own importance is paramount in every situation: everything is about them
- They do not respect anyone’s boundaries
- They are threatened by their own intelligent children
- They are abusive or neglectful of their children, at times alternating abuse with loving, praising and rewarding episodes
- Often they show immature and selfish behavior
- They have a controlling attitude towards their children
- When triggered, they become ruthless and unforgiving
- They tend to make their children feel insignificant by bragging about themselves
- They shut children down emotionally or by belittling them
- They are not there for their children for significant occasions
This type of behavior from a parent or parents has a profound effect on children, who may grow up with the following characteristics:
- Being very indecisive and unsure of themselves
- Having low self-esteem and self-worth
- Feeling loyal to parents and guilty about leaving them and moving on
- Not focusing on their own needs and aspirations
- Blaming themselves for anything and everything
- Insecure in relationships
- Constantly focusing on others’ happiness
- Always on edge, fearing they may hurt someone
- Becoming a narcissist when with different people (repeating what feels familiar to them from the home environment)
It is usually difficult to send narcissists for therapy as they believe they are always right. However, if the children realize that they are dealing with a narcissist parent or parents, then they could help themselves by:
- Realizing what is happening and looking for professional help
- Accepting the situation and setting boundaries
- Being compassionate to their narcissist parent while maintaining boundaries
- Prioritizing self-compassion
- Finding and joining a support group
- Developing self-confidence and self-worth
- Asserting their boundaries
- Being transparent with their plans
- Walking away from the situation if it becomes untenable, or
- Predicting their parent’s behavior and planning accordingly
In this situation, young children may find it difficult to understand what is happening. They may absorb all the narcissistic qualities and repeat the behavior with other people. As young adults, they may learn or observe different parenting styles from their friends’ parents or relatives. This is when they can start adjusting their own lives, go for therapy and learn to fulfill their own dreams and aspirations.
As parents, it is very important for us to provide the best possible environment for our children to learn and mature. We bring them into this world to love and nurture them into successful and responsible human beings. Parents need to be open minded to receive questions and criticisms from their children, and go for help once they realize they are abusive.
Share with us your experience or encounters with a narcissistic parent.
