Perilous Parenting Part 4: 5 Effects of Avoidant Parents on their Children
As part of our Perilous Parenting series on Beyond Medicine, we discussed the effects of absent or avoidant parents. Some first-time parents may have no idea how to cope with babies and children especially in the absence of extended families or due to traumatic experiences with their own parents.
Some parents may choose to be hands-off in bringing up their children, but most of the time it happens due to trauma, shifting priorities, fear of not being a good parent, or subconsciously repeating what was done to them as children. These parents may focus on their own problems, challenges and desires; or lack emotional attachment or interest in their child’s activities. Hence they may not provide guidance for their children’s behavior.
Some children may be forced to leave home at an early age due to domestic violence, broken marriages or other causes. So, when they become parents, they may have fear of repeating the pattern they learned from their own parents, and thus find reasons to be away from the home and children.
Absent or avoidant parental behavior generally has a negative effect on the children, who suffer in their physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. They may show the following characteristics:
- Grow up not feeling or showing empathy
- Have social anxiety or other difficulties with social interaction
- Have low self-esteem and negative body image
- Lack coping skills and indulgence in unhealthy or addictive practices like smoking, taking drugs or alcohol
- Show emotional neediness in other relationships
For children’s physical, emotional and mental growth and wellbeing, they need to grow up in a nurturing environment. If they experience absent parents, they may repeat the pattern with their own children. It is important to mindfully prepare for parenthood, and intentionally bring a child into our lives and into the world. If you are unable to give time to nurturing your child, then it maybe better to postpone the experience. If you have experienced absent parents yourself then it helps to seek professional support so you can heal instead of transferring the trauma.
Share with us your thoughts and experiences with absent parenting.
