Integritus Prime

What’s your routine? Do you wake up still sleepy, rush to get some food into you, dash out the door, commute to work, have long stressful days, rush to the gym and/or to pick your child(ren) from a game or practice or daycare, rush home and wolf down a meal, shower, read a little or zone out in front of the TV (shudders), and sleep only to get up and repeat the same basic thing again? If you don’t have quality time for you, or for loved ones, chances are you’re feeling lonely inside.

Market research suggests we suffer from intense loneliness, with a recent study finding:

• 46% feel alone either sometimes or always.
• 47% feel left out.
• 27% rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them.
• 43% feel that their relationships are not meaningful.
• 43% feel isolated from others.
• 20% rarely or never feel close to people.
• 18% don’t feel like there are people they can talk to.
• Only 53% have meaningful in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend or spending quality time with family, on a daily basis.
• The loneliest generation of adults is Generation Z or those 18 to 22 years old.

There are ways to address this loneliness, including using technology like Uber and Facetime to connect people meaningfully, connecting elders with millennials (wait, don’t indigenous people do this already?), leveraging common interests as a way to connect, and designing solutions with those affected so we have authentic perspectives.

Ultimately, I think loneliness can be addressed at the root level with self-love. A strong, mindful, and compassionate relationship with the true self can master anything. Then, we attract and vet our tribe. If we’re unhappy with ourselves, nothing in our outer life and world will feel good. That said, research shows that social support is very important to slow down aging and improve our health!

I love being alone, but there is such a thing as too alone. I moved away from Southern California last year partly because I hardly knew anyone; the community seemed very conservative and closed in Orange County, even for someone like me who can talk to anyone. I have friends in the San Francisco Bay Area, and family in Fiji and Australia; I’ve spent quality time in all those places in the last year. Community is such an important consideration and a complicated one: the people I love are spread out over the world.

I’ve recently been pondering where I want to live next. I live a car-free lifestyle, so I enjoy living close to public transit. I’ve also been called a city girl, because I like walking and biking everywhere, including the post office, movie theater, restaurants, and so on. I like knowing owners of local establishments by name, and basically having a neighborhood. Even though my writing sometimes moves at a superhuman pace, I like living at a human pace through walking and smelling the roses.

Over the past few years, I’ve realized beyond a doubt that I am powered by nature, whether it’s the ocean, mountains, forest, desert, or the bounties from nature: fruits, nuts, veggies, and grains. So, I want to be close to some of that, including at least a park and farmers market.

My work, which is currently a lot of coaching and channeling books, can be done from anywhere that has wifi. This means I will decide based on nature, people, and smart public transportation…stay tuned!

In the meantime, share with me if you’re lonely and how you cope in healthy ways. No, binge-watching shows on Netflix doesn’t count! As we are increasingly called upon to face the root causes of why we’re lonely and unhappy, we must choose between hiding versus unraveling the core of our trauma, which opens us up to embracing the changes that are happening. Choose change, choose self-love, listen to the quiet but persistent inner voice, and watch your life flourish! Soon, I’ll write about my next book, which talks about how to overcome the fear and trauma that stem from abuse, and live an empowered life.